The Worst of the God Awful: The Worst Films of 2015
By Scott Kurland
This year has been filled with some great films. This is one of the best years for movies since 1994 or 1996. However, with that said, we also got a lot of garbage too. I’m talking about terrible films. Movies so bad they make Jar Jar Binks’ performance in “Star Wars: Episode I The Phantom Menace” look like Samuel L. Jackson from “Pulp Fiction”. Since I love you dear reader, I have sat through hundred upon hundreds of God awful cinematic misfires. Here they are in all their poorly written and badly directed glory. Sit back, relax, and watch me suffer for my so called “art”. This is “The Worst of the God Awful: The Worst Films of 2015”.
This was Will Smith's first leading role since 2012’s “After Earth”, and we were led to believe “Focus” was redemption for “After Earth”. It most certainly was not, if anything it was lemon juice in the wound. “Focus” fails to deliver any true suspense, action, or hijinks that we’ve learned to expect in a con artist flick. “Focus” is one of the worst con artists films since “A Very Brady Sequel” (yes, that was in fact a con artist movie.) Smith and Margot Robbie’s chemistry was talked about heavily in reports leading up to this film, but take it from me; these two have no chemistry whatsoever. Also Smith’s character is suppose to be a moral mentor around Robbie and show some restraint and backbone. If I may be blunt, Smith has the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair. Yes he’s suppose to break all his rules for her, but this is a sloppy character in a bad movie.
9. Terminator Genisys
“I’ll be back” was a threat not a promise from Arnold wasn’t it? “Terminator Genisys” is just another reason for a studio to cash in on franchise retooling. Luckily for us “Genisys” failed so horribly at the box office that all future sequels were put on the shelf. There will be no sequels or prequels to this rank awful film that ruins the good name of “Terminator”. “Terminator Genisys” not only wrecks “Terminator”; it also undoes all the ground work James Cameron did when he made “Terminator” and “Terminator 2: Judgement Day” back in the 80s and 90s. “Terminator Genisys” goes back and pretends that the plots of those two “Terminator” films never existed. THOSE ARE THE TWO GOOD ONES!!! “Terminator Genisys” is one of the films this year that for which I had high hopes for, but all the hype turned into disappointment which led to down right loathing.
8. American Ultra
“American Ultra” is the other film on this list I had high hopes for but once I saw it I was furious with it. “American Ultra” was written by Max Landis who wrote “Chronicle,” a film I loved. “American Ultra” is his follow up film and it's pure dreck. Whether it’s the lack of believability of Jesse Eisenberg as a stoner, or the terrible directing of Nima Nourizadeh; “American Ultra” does not work. The plot of a sleeper agent targeted for termination only to be activated, it pains me to even remember what I watched. “American Ultra” is a film that seems good on paper, but on the screen it looks like one of those awful Spike TV series. I tried to look past its faults because I loved the cast, but not even Topher Grace, Walton Goggins, and Connie Britton can save this mess.
I haven’t had an animated film on my list in a very, very, very long time. However, for “Home” I made an exception. I hated this Dreamworks ninety minute product placement film with a passion. “Home” exploits what we like right now as pop culture consumers. “The Big Bang Theory” is huge so let’s give Jim Parsons the lead. Rhianna is a chart topping singer, and even though she can’t act let’s give her the second lead. HEY!!! Everybody loves Steve Martin, make him the bad guy; and while we’re on it make Badger from “Breaking Bad” the comic foil to Parson’s Oh. This isn’t a film.This is an excuse to make a profit on DVD/Blu-Rays and stuffed animals of ugly aliens that look like jelly fish if you fed them after midnight. I couldn’t stand this film and I blame that hatred for two reasons. The first being it wasted ninety minutes of my life. The second was I was the only critic in the screening that didn’t bring a kid. Trust me, nothing is more awkward then answering to a 5 year old about why I’m not laughing at a fart joke. “Home” you are the bane of my existence.
6. Ted 2
We really need to stop taking comedies that don’t need sequels and giving them sequels. I loved the first “Ted” movie, I think it’s one of the funniest films to come out of the last five years. “Ted 2” just recycles every joke we loved in the first film, and like “Terminator Genisys” undoes everything we loved about “Ted” in the first place. I am one of the few critics that gave “A Million Ways To Die In The West” a good review, and I stick by that review. “Ted 2” on the other hand forced me to see all the recycled family guy jokes I ignored in “A Million Ways To Die In The West” and “Ted”. I like Wahlberg, I like MacFarlane, and most importantly I like Morgan Freeman but there’s no reason for “Ted 2” to exist if they’re just going to pull a “Hangover Part II”.
5. The Cobbler
I can’t believe the man who made “Spotlight”, Tom McCarthy, made this poorly written Adam Sandler comedy. “The Cobbler” takes a good idea about being able to walk a mile in another man’s shoes, and just destroys it. This film starts off strong….for about five minutes, then we head into Adam Sandler territory. We get the hot girl falling for him at the end of the movie bit, we get the racial stereotyping we’ve seen before, and we get fat jokes aimed at children. What “The Cobbler” doesn’t give us is a reason to like it. No one is likable except for Sandler’s mother, and that’s only because she has dementia. Trust me she’s the lucky one, because I’d like to forget this movie. Sadly, I can’t forget it because "The Cobbler" is now on Netflix, and every time I watch “The Station Agent” another Tom McCarthy film I’m asked if I’d like to watch this next. NO NETFLIX, NO ONE SHOULD WATCH “THE COBBLER”.
4. Get Hard
Will Ferrell is starting to head into Adam Sandler territory with his film choices, trust me that’s not good. “Get Hard” is one of the most off putting films I’ve seen this year. I liked the plot of a member of the 1% being sent to jail, and because he’s so unenlightened he hires the first African American guy he sees to give him prison bootcamp lessons. The jokes and actual film are in such poor taste that everyone who has seen the film has been offended. Ferrell and Hart are good comedic actors normally, but here they are just two stereotypes. Ferrell is white and Hart is black; and they beat that over the audience’s head with a wooden mallet. “Get Hard” is not original, it’s not funny, and it’s incredibly boring with a lackluster climax. “Get Hard” is the first nail in the coffin of Hart and Ferrell’s respective careers.
3. Unfinished Business
Unlike Ferrell, Vince Vaughn has been making terrible films for quite sometime now. “Unfinished Business” is a depressing mess, I had no idea I was watching a comedy. This film is extremely offensive to the handicapped and elderly community. Vaughn looks pained to be in this film. Never has an actor looked as physically ill to be in a movie the way Vaughn looks here. Dave Franco and Tom Wilkinson are completely wasted. These are two talented actors and they’re given nothing to do. For the life of me how does Sienna Miller go from starring in “American Sniper” to starring in this drivel? Miller is so dull here; at times I was wondering if she had a pulse while she was on set. “Unfinished Business” is one of the worst films to come out of 2015.
I hated, HATED, HATED, every minute of this disrespectful misogynistic “film”. “Entourage” fails in more ways then the television series did. The characters are such alpha males that you can tell they’re all compensating for something if you catch my drift. What I hated the most about “Entourage” is how Doug Ellin tries to justify these guys behavior, and the justification is that the women are worse then they are. These women lie, cheat, and backstab just like Vince and his merry band of morons. The movie version of “Entourage” is like watching an entire season in one viewing, and if you like that then I have failed you as a film critic. Remembering “Entourage” gives me horrible war like flashbacks. As terrible as “Entourage” is, it’s not nearly as bad as our number one film.
AND THE WORST FILM OF 2015 IS….
1. We’ll Never Have Paris
I reviewed this film back in February, and never in my six years of being a critic has a movie made me so uncomfortable. Simon Helberg from “The Big Bang Theory” wrote and directed this so-called “comedy” based on his experience of stalking his now wife to France to win her back after breaking up. This is not only the worst film I saw this year, it’s the worst film of the last decade. Helberg is a terrible director and storyteller; how they allowed him to make a film is beyond me. The characters are all unlikable, which means you have no one to root for. If you have no one to root for there’s no point to make a movie at all. I’m going to come out and just say it, this is a pointless film. I despise “We’ll Never Have Paris”, it’s a mean spirited film about pathetic people. Congratulations “We’ll Never Have Paris”, you are the worst of the God awful for 2015.