The Worst of The God Awful 2014 Edition
By Scott Kurland
Last week I had the pleasure of reliving the best films I saw in 2014. Now that we’re in January the worst month to release a movie it is only fitting that I relive the worst films I saw in 2014. That right it’s another year of “ Scott Kurland’s: The worst of the God awful”. These films are rotten to the core, and by no means should you view these movies, but if you do, I pray you aren’t prone to spout of anger...they are that infuriating.
10.”I, Frankenstein”- This film kicked 2014 off with a unenthusiastic whimper. Aaron Eckhart is normally a great actor. Why did he get cast as a monster? Yes, one of the best looking actors in Hollywood was Frankenstein’s monster and they did not even deform him or make him look evil...that’s a mistake. The villain is predictable, the story is boring, there’s no action, and why is Jai Courtney cast in so many movies?
9. “Sin City: A Dame To Kill For”- This film breaks my heart because the first “Sin CIty” is classic. Honestly, I hate to be rude, but if you were to put “Sin City” and “Sin City: A Dame to Kill For” side by side it would be like putting Dennis and Randy Quaid next to one another. You’d be shocked that they’re related, and wonder what bewildering turn of events made this happen. This is the worst sequel I have seen, and the fact it took almost a decade to make is even more tragic. The casting is alright, but these stories are so dull and over sexed that you almost wonder if your watching a Frank Miller film or a high budget “Cinemax After dark” film.
8. “That Awkward Moment”- Miles Teller and Michael B. Jordan are two of the most talented young actors working today....but this pairing with Zac Efron leads to questions like why did they make this film? Who said it was a good script? Efron is slowly making good of his talent with films like “Neighbors” and “Hairspray,” yet this film showcases him as the world’s biggest tool. He’s the lead, but he’s such a villain. I found myself finding this film so despicable and off putting it left me depressed because I thought this was going to be the first “Chick Flick for Men”.
7. “Need For Speed”- I was hoping that Aaron “Jesse Pinkman” Paul being on Screen with the original Batman Michael Keaton would be an epic car film...Nope!!! This was the worst adaptation of a video game I have EVER seen. The casting is pretty inspired and Aaron Paul is very talented, but this film was so over the top there are no words. Never have I left a film so indifferent. I had no idea what this film was. Is it a racing flick? Is it a revenge story? A love story? What is going on and why is there a helicopter carrying a car in the air being flown by Kid Cudi?
6. “Winter’s Tale”- Honestly readers, I can’t even explain this film. Russell Crowe is a Demon, Will Smith is the Devil, and Colin Farrell loses the love of his life after she over heats from having intercourse caused by consumption. Are you still not confused yet? Ok, try this, there’s a horse named dog that can fly and is a dog but also might be a horse. This film was a great novel, but that novel is so unfilmable we get the most forced together film of 2014. I wanted to like it, I tried so hard, but this film led to my blind fury.
5. “The Amazing Spider-Man 2”- Talk about let downs. The first “Amazing Spider-Man” was so pitch perfect in rebooting the series, and this is one of the biggest let downs of all time. There’s too many villains, too much exposition, and oh yeah the death scenes in this film are so upsetting. Andrew Garfield is a great Spider-Man, and it is a down right shame this might be his last performance as Spidey. This film is all around disappointing.
4.”Jersey Boys”- I loved this musical when I saw it on Stage. I hated this film when I saw it on the screen. Talk about taking a great director like Clint Eastwood, a great story like “Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons,” and making a dud. This film is the worst musical I have ever seen, well, not counting “Paint Your Wagon,” wait a minute ...Eastwood was involved with that one too. Clint buddy, stay away from songs. This film was so sloppy and the makeup was some of the worst I have ever seen in my life.
3.”Blended”- When I saw this film in May, I couldn’t print my review that’s how heated I was over this movie. This film is not just garbage, it’s down right upsetting. I have never been more enraged with a so-called romantic comedy. To add insult to injury it stars Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore, the stars of “The Wedding Singer,” one of the greatest RomComs of the 90s. This is one of the most disgusting family films I have ever seen. Sandler is showing his age and Barrymore is losing her quirky cuteness. This is just another nail in Sandler’s bad movie coffin.
2.”Transformers: Age Of Extinction”- The first of two Michael Bay films wrecking childhood favorites. Bay was scraping the bottom of the barrel with the 4th “Transformers” film. The most unbelievable thing was not the flying, fighting robots, it was Mark Wahlberg referring to himself as “A Man of Science” and an “Inventor.” That was the most unbelievable thing in this film. I will believe a lot, but I will not buy that.
1.”Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”- I said it once, I’ll say it again. Michael Bay stay away from my “Thundercats”. This is it folks, the worst film of 2014. I don’t know how it’s possible that Chris Miller and Phil Lord directed and produced “22 Jump Street,” “The Lego Movie” and got them both right. Then Bay comes along and produces this, with the result being the destruction of another great franchise. “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” annihilates everything we once held dear about these four pizza-loving turtles. The story absurd, the shredder looks like Megatron, and splinter’s nose has now been confirmed to resemble a part of the male body (I’ll give you a hint, it’s not an Adam’s apple). This film is gross, annoying, and probably another reason why today’s youth will never know the true joy of experiencing the original.